I KNOW I NEED TO FORGIVE BUT HOW DO I ACTUALLY DO IT? PART ONE

How to Forgive Part One

Ah forgiveness…

for many who have committed to a journey of self-knowledge and healing, forgiveness is often one of the four letter words of the journey. The reason is very simple.

Everybody tells us we have to forgive in order to heal and grow but HARDLY ANYONE TELLS US HOW. There are even some highly evolved souls who tell us that, in fact, ‘…there is nothing to forgive…’; try processing that when you’re in the grip of a severely debilitating emotional state over something you may have suffered at the hands of someone else.

Well, there is a simple mechanical technique which allows us to experience forgiveness as a forgiver (is there such a word?- you know what I mean.). This technique has a few steps and it involves some visualisation. Before I go any further, I now have to say something to anyone who believes they can’t visualise.

It ain’t necessarily so!

            Most people who have that belief, are actually expert ‘visualisers’; it just happens so fast in their heads they haven’t learned to recognise the process. This technique will work for anyone whether they recognise the process or not.

I’m going to divide this post in two. In this, the first section we’ll explore the technique as we would use it for some incident that requires you to forgive someone for something that is not too major. By that I mean, No Life Threatening Trauma Stuff and No Childhood Trauma Stuff. Please save issues of that weight for the second part of the post next week - there will be extra steps necessary.

Here it is:

Let’s say there is someone in your life who has wronged you in some way and you’re carrying some negative feelings about them. Bring that person and what they did to mind. Your feelings negative will probabaly intensify.

            This is where The Wise tell us we need to practice forgiveness, so here’s what we do.

Step One: Imagine the person standing in front of you.

Step Two: Imagine making and holding eye contact with them (this is very important) and as you hold the eye contact, say to them in your mind, the following words’

‘I forgive myself and I forgive you’ And,

Step Three: Imagine them smiling at you. This is also very important.

Now at this point (if you’re working with something relatively minor in the scale of awful things we can experience, but serious enough to dramatically affect your emotions,)

You will probably feel a big sense of relief in your body, you may even smile back at them and at this stage you can go straight to the final step.

Final Step: Still imagining that you’re maintaining eye contact with the subject of the exercise and seeing them smile say the following words:

‘I release you into the light.’

And imagine them simply floating off into the distance, still smiling at you.

You will know for sure you have experienced forgiving, if you feel absolutely no negative emotion about the person or the incident when you turn your mind to either or both. When you experience that state then the ‘Words of the Wise’, “…there is nothing to forgive…” make perfect sense because they will be your truth.

Now, it may be that you won’t have to do this ever again for that particular person and that particular situation; however that has not been my experience. Be prepared to do it a few times, every time it should be a little quicker and easier than the time before.

If you’re someone who is not aware of being able to visualise, do it like this:

Starting with the first step, read the step and then simply close your eyes and put your attention on your breathing for a few seconds. Go through all the steps in this way until you reach the final step. If you feel no relief, repeat the process twice more from the first to the last step and leave it there. Go back to the process the next day or whenever you’re able and repeat three times again. Keep going back to the process over the days to come, as frequently as is comfortable for you, until you feel the release.

            About the language… obviously the language I have used reflects the eras I have come through in my own journey as well as what works for me. Feel free to use your own words if you must, but keep the order of the steps, use the word ‘forgive’ and hold true to the substantive meaning of what I have written. Do not leave out anything, particularly the thngs I have flagged as important.

 If you want my advice on your choice of wording, leave a comment at the bottom. 

 That’s it. Forgiveness is simple, it is a relief and it will set you free. Next Sunday I’ll put up the way to use this for the heavy stuff, in the meantime have a play and please give comments and feedback.

ps: I am indebted to the wonderfully wise Caroline Myss who's excellent Book and Audio Tapes, 'Energy Anatomy' inspired this process nearly twenty years ago.